never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
