she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
