Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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