The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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