there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
