He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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