I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
