apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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