I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
