oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
