So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
