i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
