Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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