There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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