Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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