theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
