My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
