the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
