i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
