and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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