just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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