I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
