This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
