when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
