I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
