he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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