i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
