Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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