Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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