I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize