The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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