Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
