I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
