he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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