New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
