Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Randomize
