You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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