just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
