Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
