the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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