addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize