wat bout pragnant strippers??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
