i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
