Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
