I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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