I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Of course I have a pirate flag
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
