please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
