I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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