Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
