is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize