I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
