the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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