And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
