You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Houston, we have a blender
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
