Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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