You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
