I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
