lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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