k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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