Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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