the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just had sex bonerless
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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