Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
