I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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