the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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