I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
