Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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