Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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