I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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