Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
