I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
