covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
