Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
